And if you arrived via a search engine, I can see the words that brought you here. And these search words are often enlightening, amusing, puzzling, alarming, and sometimes an imperative to have you apprehended and locked away without delay.
Sadly, it is only in the past few weeks that I have started to keep a record of some of the more interesting search words and phrases. The title of this post is one such entry but sadly a few real beauts have slipped through my fingers and tumbled out of my memory.
Some like “foxglove looks bad” or “perhaps I should give up tomatoes” are the wistful murmurs of gardeners the world over. Others have a note of exasperation about them: “can’t mow” (to which my response is, stop whingeing and get on with it) and “aquilegia running aMOK.” I love the partial capitalisation on the latter. Such bad behaviour from such a naughty aquILEGIA.
A few are rather more bemusing. “Cows wearing earphones,” “cute calf with nose ring,” (whatever floats your boat, I suppose), “chicken staring into the distance” and “how does a plonk plant look” all set me to wondering. Some are more unnerving, such as: “snake ate my dog,” and “insectivorous plants bite me.” And the odd one simply seethes with anger: “the gardener has butchered my beech hedge” – hope they don’t mean me!
Others are just a little curious (if owly): “standing like an owl” and the similar “sitting somewhere and do like an owl.” I now feel compelled to do both. “Tawny owl flying without logos” – quite right too; owls should not be commercialised. “Angelika asibo that come” – I have spent some time mulling over and am still none the wiser, while “sad rain” and “cows that are alone” have just made me feel melancholic. My retort to “fence moved by creep” is a) I didn’t move it and b) don’t be so rude.